Socially Retarded and Weird
by Diebound
Summary: Roxas has been home schooled throughout his entire 17 yr old life, and when his parents decided it should finally be time for the kid to socialize and get out in the real highschool world, his entire world practically crumbled. [akuroku][rikusora][zemyx]
1. A Case of Partial Extreme

Disclaimer: I no own le Kingdom Hearts-zo. I wouldn't be writing this if I did, I'd be swimming in a filthy pool of money!

Ok, I'm gonna pull off a Chandler Bing and start this off with: Oh dear god, _why_?! Yes. Why? I don't know why but here it is. Doesn't the world have enough of these alter-life KH fics?  
OF COURSE NOT!  
And that's why I'm here to put in my little dollar… er, penny. Or something less worthy.  
And just to warn you before you go on, this was mostly inspired by the movie Mean Girls but I didn't want to title it Mean Guys. Pfft. No, it's not a copy of the movie, it has a different "plot". But if you've never seen it or dislike it, the fic would still work for you. Hopefully.

Alright now, I'm not exactly a regular writer and only have posted a few measly ficclets here BUT this is all in good fun. I have so much fun reading these type of KH fics, and of course I don't stand up to those greater ones, but I repeat myself, all in good fun.  
Anyway, enough with the unnecessary rambling.

I plan to throw random slashes in here, yaoi, het, whatever. But this is, _of course_, Akuroku centric. And I must say, I wasn't a fan of Zemyx before reading **Surgeon General's Warning **by **Dualism **(which you should go read like… NOW. Screw this, it ain't worth it), but I sure as hell am now. :D So I'm gonna throw some of that in here. Furthermore, there's slight RikuSora, not so much at the start, but it'll become apparent. And then I'll prolly think of more… eh. KH characters, Disney characters, Square Enix characters, it's a classic.

Lastly, since you're still reading this, I have no beta reader so… expect a _mass _number of mistakes and whatnot. I am one hundred perfect sure there are some even though I went over through it a couple of times. Feel free to throw them in my face so I can correct them and… stuff.  
By the way, I only rated this M to be safe, there will be cursing and such.

Ok why are you still reading this?  
Go on to the real thing already!

* * *

"Dear, are you ready? Come down, darling, it's time!"

The blond teenager descended downstairs, backpack strap around only one side and with sloppy shoulders. Roxas smiled questionably at his mother's anxious expression upon seeing her eagerly waiting for him.

"What?" He said flatly, slightly pink-tainted lips barely moving at all.

His mother squealed.

"Your very first day of school!" The woman shrieked as she took a flashy picture of a very blinded Roxas. "This is so exciting, Roxy!"

_At least not for me. _He thought, rubbing his eyes.

"Mom, it's _high school_."

_Hi, I'm Roxas. I've been home schooled all my life. My parents adore me and see me as a 10 year old boy... I am seventeen. I am also, according to Mom, too solitaire and shy. To be frank, I don't really know where she arranges this. I don't exactly go out much, hardly at all, since I find myself to be a very strong believer of 'Home Sweet Home'. My parents are both very smart and successful business people, so they've home schooled me themselves, usually taking turns or calling in a coworker when too occupied, and making it easier for me to not have to have contact with the outside world. I wouldn't consider myself anti-social either, I just obviously didn't have much of a need to interact with people. Now, friends? Lots of them. More accurately referred as _pen pals_, actually, but I don't mind that either.  
__Due to the fact that my parents are always too busy, sometimes I feel I'm not too close to them, or they to each other. Mind you, it sometimes makes me wonder how I was conceived. After all, ninety percent of the little time that Mom actually spends home she spends lying around resting or sleeping, while Dad maintains the house sparkly clean. (I've asked them myself why they still don't have a maid but they insist on being old-fashioned.) Sometimes I wonder; was my existence probably scheduled on their business agendas?_

_Ech. Discarding the thought._

_Still, I love my dear parents. They give me my freedom and space, or at least the option of it. I guess the only flaw there would be that I've had a total of 3 babysitters since I was born. No, no. I do not mean separately. I have had the same three women as my loveable nannies _since _I was born to this day. Yes, that's right, I said that correctly. We pretty much consider them family by now since they're old friends of Mom, but you'll learn more about those three later. Also, the inferno I went through at attending high school. I mean before, it was like my summer vacation was _never _over! _

_Anyhow, the way I see it, it was actually a good experience. Life happens, y'know? And if I had the chance, I wouldn't change any of it because it altered my person so much and I appreciate every event that went on._

_Shit, did I lead you on?_

_I can't even humor myself anymore. It was public __**hell  
**_

"I know sweetie, but somehow I feel like if it were your first day of _kindergarten_!" She patted his head. "Now, here's your lunch money and your--"

Roxas snorted as her big, red lips descended to his forehead.

"Kiss!" She popped one on.

"Aurora!" A handsome male voice came from outside, followed by the start of a rusty-sounding car engine. "Hurry up! We'll be late!"

"Hold onnn, Phillip!" She yelled back in a sing-song voice. "Now Roxy, we gave your darling nannies some time off to Honolulu because they've been so dear to us, so you'll have to make your way back home from school walking, is that alright with you?"

"Yeah, mom, that's fine." He sighed. The poor boy still couldn't believe he had agreed to attending school. At least he was happy with the fact that he had convinced his mother that he would be fine at a public school. Roxas couldn't imagine himself in one of Radiant Garden's Private School's uniforms. Such tacky, hooded coats they wore.

"Okay then... I don't think there's anything else so... Have fun, sweetie!" She forwarded Roxas out the door. "Hurry now, dad's waiting outside! Goodbyeee!" She sang on.

By the time Roxas was being dropped off, his father had already lectured the young blond on how fascinatingly important this new experience would be for him. He especially emphasized on the part where he would get the chance to socialize and become more aware of his surroundings.

_Boy, if I had known then how true those words would later come to be I would have rolled out of the car, scratched a hole in the pavement with my bare nails, and lived underground for the rest of my life. It was certainly going to be a bumpy ride from current day and on._

"Son, this is going to be a positively magnificent experience for you!_"_

_More like 'MAL-' _Roxas thought. "Well, I guess I have no other choice than to try to make it that way..."

"That's the spirit, Roxas! I am so proud of you."

"Yeah, thanks Phil."

Phillip pulled over by the front of the school. "Alright, on your way now."

Roxas slowly opened the door, looking around the crowd.

"Oh and thanks for doing this Rox, you're making your mother _very happy_." He smiled and waved at him.

Roxas raised his hand and gave back a measly wave.

"At least someone is."

His father laughed heartedly. "Oh you kidder," He sped off, still waving and smiling handsomely as if he were on a parade show, probably much used to the motion.

The moment the unfortunate spiky-haired male stepped foot on campus he could feel his guts twist inside him and fall to the lowest part of his internal being.

"Oy..." He grunted. Something about the atmosphere was already annoying the hell out of him.

_No, _his conscience roared in his little head, _I told dad at least I'd try to make something out of this._

What was the cause of Roxas's annoyance, one would ask? The people. No dammit, he was _not _an anti-social snot, they were just annoying with their running around and throwing footballs and--

"_ARGH!"_

"My bad, dude!" A deep, slow voice said from behind Roxas.The blond winced while rubbing the side of his face. He continued on walking tours the main hall's entrance. On his search for his first class, he'd been shoved a total of three times, glared at four times, and winked at six. Finally, he found his classroom, only to realize the door was still closed.

"Damn."

He checked his watch.

Not bad. He had to only stand there for one more minute and then the educating would commence. Suddenly his classroom's door behind him opened, he jumped aside. An androgynous kid slowly walked out, head held high, exposing numerous, shiny bull-like piercings on it's face. The kid had a short and awkward hair style, which Roxas had seen _countless_ times since he arrived in the school, that covered one of it's eyes completely and half of it's face. The boy/girl also dragged it's huge black boots as he walked by the startled Roxas.

_Five glares._

Roxas's eye twitched. And twice again just to get it out of himself while he was at it.

A second later the bell rang.

_Ugh, son of a bitch! Why so **loud**!_

The _next _second Roxas felt confusion in his head as to what continent he was currently located in. Spain? Nope. But why did it feel like it?

Before the boy even had the reflex to simply turn and walk inside his class, a rush of murderous toros, all attempting to enter through to the slim door at the same time, ambushed him. He felt instant suffocation.

A second later it was all over and Roxas stood still in the middle of the hallway, still slightly being pushed around by other hurrying _toros _heading to their class hurriedly. He managed his way out, or rather in, and tumbled in the classroom. Strangely, but not really, no one paid the least attention to his misfortunes. Everyone seemed rather used to such events. He dusted himself off.

Roxas walked around the desks, searching for a decent seat.

Random students seemed to be having their own little private conversations all around the classroom in little groups. Two girls were making out rather explicitly in the back of the class, with a boy staring five inches away from them, and a hideously pale boy sniffed something out of a brown paper-bag and twitched hysterically.

_Shhh, stay cool, Roxas. Just focus yourself in staying sane and... making it through a whole entire _year _here. Oh __**god**__. Mother, I love you, but can't I just bake you a crappy but loveable cake to make you happy and proud of me?_

Roxas spotted a very lonely seat in the very lonely, very dark corner of the room. He was beginning to head tours it when a kid's foot on the front row, and when there just _had_ to be a bloody fad of wearing huge, red clown shoes, tripped him.

Roxas grunted girlishly as he flew in the air in the most gravity defying slow motion possible. In the midst of his fall, he accidentally let got of his virtually empty backpack, meaning the item was amazingly light enough to go flying across the room and land into the entering teacher's face and forcing the man to spill his cold, black coffee all over himself.

The entire class stopped what they were doing, the atmosphere momentarily froze. The boy in the back even stopped twitching.

Roxas gaped, looking up at the teacher from the floor. The kid on the front row bit his nails frantically.

"O-oops."

Roxas glared at him and stood up, turning to face the teacher. "I-I'm s--"

"It's alright," He groaned while lightly dabbing his face with a Kleenex, "I can never walk into a classroom without something disastrous happening to me anymore."

Roxas felt that first-day-of-school-nervousness in his gut that horribly made one miss their mommy and want to puke their intestines out in front of the class. Then, possibly, cry. But Roxas was unaffected by that part.

The educator then picked up Roxas's lighter-than-clouds backpack and handed it to him.

"Thank you," Roxas stared at him. He looked so young to be an _Advanced Math_ teacher. Weren't those usually too old to pick up a kid's backpack? But this guy looked like some kind of male model. He even looked liked he was currently modeling that perfectly white shirt with the huge, black stain on the chest. He looked like he could stand at a store's display window and just be stared at by passing costumers. He looked like the song Too Sexy had been _specifically _made for him. The guy even looked like-

"Are you new or in the wrong class? You've got a lost look on your face."

Roxas shook his head, discarding his strangely teacher-admiring thoughts. The blond stuttered. "Um- Uuhhh... I-I'm new. My name's Roxas Rose--"

"Oh yes, you're on my list." He said, still cleaning himself while leaning over to look at some papers scattered on his desk. He shot Roxas a quick smile.

_Whoa. __Is nobody else seeing him?_

"Oh. Well, um- sorry about th-that..."

"Really, it's fine. Take a seat."

Roxas turned to find a whole class staring at him like if he'd just... well, done what he did. Roxas simply made his way to the back seat which he'd been heading for before with a flushed face.

A random boy sitting a couple of seats away motioned him to get away.

"The fumes will get you high within a minute," he whispered. Roxas looked back to the kid with the paper-bag, who had returned to his twitching state and was currently staring blankly at the wall. The blue-eyed boy gave away a disgusted look and simply sat on the seat next to the white-haired kid who had warned him on the adjacent desk-row instead.

_The first day of school had been a complete annoyance. As predicted by my smarter and more pessimistic side of the brain. __At least three people had asked me for "candy" or gum in nearly every class. Luckily for me, there hadn't been anymore embarrassments through the rest of the day._

After getting his tray of food, Roxas looked overhead the cafeteria wondering where it would be _safe _to sit and eat the supposed 'meal' given to him.

It seemed liked every table had it's own clique. He stood by the serving counter while holding his food-tray numbly.

How was he honestly meant to survive? His mother was one of the seven Community Mayor Princesses, if she didn't know the monstrosity that it was to attend High School, why would she make Roxas go through this? Did she forget that, aside from usually acting like he didn't, the poor teen actually _did _have feelings?

"It ain't gettin' any betta kid, just go an' sit yo' tiny bum down." The frightening cafeteria woman howled from behind Roxas, making him jump a little.

He finally decided to sit in am empty table far away from the rest. He watched everyone silently as he brought his foul-smelling subway sandwich to his mouth.

"Ugh," He simply put it aside after the horrible smell crawled up to his overly sensitive nostrils. He had been starving all day. Why did he think that he wasn't going to need breakfast? That was certainly a pointer he wasn't going to forget. More importantly, to remember to get his lunch somewhere else other than the cafeteria. All he did was munch on his chips and stab at his apple with a strange utensil looking like the retarded offspring of a spoon and a fork.

It was… like a mad jungle. Everyone just talking at once, yelling and even randomly screaming. Food was occasionally flying across tables. Roxas hated the noise. Home was quieter than the coffin of an undead Zero with his mouth sewed shut and buried 50 feet under… on some random deserted area in the Pride Lands.

By the time school was over and Roxas made it home from the long walk, and after getting a much anticipated _'So how was school today?' _from his mother who had longed to say that since he'd been born, all he wanted to do was sleep.

_Unfortunately_, tomorrow arrived.

* * *

Alright, alright! Before I get sharp objects thrown at me-- Roxas's last name.

Rose.

Why?  
Briar Rose, Princess Aurora's alias. I couldn't help myself, it seemed kinda fitting. Very fitting actually.

Whee! Sexy math teacher, you've gotta be able to tell that _that's _gonna be a problem, hmm?

Poor Roxas. And it's only the first day. Less than 365 more to go! Oh and yes, there will be little narration comments by Roxas all throughout this, sort of like in the movie but more often.

Isn't it just so nerve wracking to wonder who is/are going to be the representation for the movie's antagonists?

No?

Oh well, I'm sure it'll be a shocker… or not.


	2. They're Teen Royalty

Bound to be errors as I have no itty bitty beta...

I must say, I'm having fun jumping into this pretty much over used AU-High-School world.

* * *

Roxas wasn't much of a nocturnal person, but lately, that being one night, he had been. He stayed up for most of the night just… hating school. Even for just the first day. He assumed he had just wasted hours in useless classes he didn't exactly need. Hours that he could have spent home lying around playing video games. Violently educational video games, as he put it to his mother. 

Why on earth would Roxas want to speak French? On top of that, many of the things he was being taught, particularly in math class, he already knew. He wondered if he had been placed in the wrong grade. Being a seventeen year old eleventh grader made him feel... inferior? Or plain _stupid_. As far as Roxas knew, he could've probably started collage this year, but _no_, he had to go through the real-deal and suffer.

His alarm clock awoke him at 7:00am. His wet, drooling face rose from the covers as he stared at the awkward little clock with despise, it had a horrible cathedral-like-bell clanging. Not _once_, not once since he bought that thing had he ever used its alarm and already he made a note to himself to buy another one. Maybe one with a soothing, quiet, and peaceful alarm. Yes, that sounded reasonable. Also very existent.

"Burgh--" Was the only noise that came out of his mouth as he reached over to try to smack the loud monstrosity. He finally managed to strike the SNOOZE button but nothing appeared to happen. Predictable, the thing was just _meant_ to be a device of annoyance. He grunted as he stood up and furiously pulled the plug.

"Ha." He exclaimed proudly with a hoarse tone.

The blond then realized that he later would have to arrange the time again. He groaned and went on for a cold shower.

* * *

"Ahh," Came a satisfied sigh. "_For once _you make something worthy for me to eat," 

"Hey, I don't have the time of day to be feeding you, alright? Now shut up and finish those."

The boy sitting at the table shot the man cooking an icy glare._ Yeah, right. You never have time for _anything_. This house is a fucking pigsty. Not exactly 'motherly' behavior. _"Where'd you learn to cook something like this anyway?"

"It's called _Reno's Extra Spongy French Toast_, I was _born _with the knowing. And ew-- don't talk with you mouthful," The redhead walked to the table with his own plate stacked with the half-burnt breads.

The other merely shot him another glare and continued to chew loudly and openly.  
_Obnoxious, cocky little son of a--_

"By the way," Reno raised his fork and furiously pointed it at him across the table. "-the school year _just _fucking started and I _swear_," The fork shock with rage at the other's tip of the nose as the redhead stood from his chair to make himself more threatening. "If I have to go down over there for your _'disorderly conduct' _notices again like last year, I am going to be one hell of a angry man Axel, _get it memorized_."

The other's trimmed eyebrows slowly met. "It's 'got it' not get it, dumbass." He spat with a sloppy shrug accompanied by a rather annoyed look. "And hey! I behave!"

"Oh shut up, I still have the _Suspension Warning_ notifications, all _four _of them. And just so you know, it's not my responsibly to go down there and take care of your shit. I'm just telling you, I'm not covering up for you again."

"Alright." The boy picked up his backpack lying on the chair beside him and stood up abruptly.

Reno narrowed his eyes as he watched him leave. "Fucking brat," The loud bang of the front door rattled the kitchen window. He rolled his eyes as he was about to put in a forkful in his mouth when he glanced at his watch and spewed out his chew.

"Oh great. I'm an hour late for my first class! **Thanks asshole**!" He yelled out to the open window. The redhead could almost hear his brother return an insult from across the street. Reno wondered for a minute which had the worst temper; things blew up in their house as if literally being combusted. 'Hot headed redheads' was an understatement for the two.

* * *

When Roxas came down to the kitchen, he was surprised to find his father there, business-suit and all, _making breakfast_. 

"What are you doing?" Roxas's frightened voice asked him as he dropped his backpack on the counter and carefully approached his father. "You can cook?"

Phillip laughed heartedly. "Of course! Who do you think fed you when you were a baby?"

_A machine? Some kind of high-powered robot? _The blond's eyes widened in horror. No. He was _not _going to ask further questions regarding that statement.

The man set a plate on the counter in front of Roxas. A huge pile of puffy pancakes dripping with syrupy goodness stared back him. The boy decided not to care about the fact that he might later get a sugar-attack, after all, good chance there was that he wouldn't have lunch at school. He grabbed a fork, a normal, beautiful, one-task fork, and began shoving the food in his face.

_Ahhh. Almost as good as the ones from the Gainsborough's Made With Love Bakery bakery._

Wait a minute -there was a good chance both his parents had the same job- but right now he wondered if his father was actually some kind of magical _chef_.

He liked that idea.

For some reason, Roxas never really wondered where the food he ate came from. There were always very good meals served, which he usually ate all by himself anyway, and he never wondered where they came from. His nannies were very good cooks, excluding _Fauna_, so he supposed they always cooked, even when he didn't see them doing so. Never would he have thought that it was all his father's doing, if not _all_.

Strangely, Roxas felt rather content with the current picture.

His father making him breakfast, ready to take him to school and then head off to work.

So normal, for once. The fact that his mother was still asleep took away a little from the family-moment but that was ok. Waking her for this would be the saddest attempt of suicide. Aurora Rose was not a pretty woman when she was randomly woken before 8:00am. Unless the apocalypse was taking place outside, not even Phillip was allowed to wake her up.

His father took a small stool and sat beside his son with his own plate in front of him. Roxas stared at him for a while. Not that Roxas was any kind of pussy, but maybe this would be the perfect moment to tell his dad he wasn't really taking the whole school thing very well.

"What's wrong, son?"

_Thanks for doing this Rox, you're making your mother _very happy

The bloody words echoed in Roxas's head. Again, why couldn't he just go with the crappy but loveable cake?

He sighed, pushing his half-finished breakfast aside. He couldn't, he just didn't have it in him to let his mother down like that.

"Nevermind..."

His father gave him a concerned look. "Come on, Roxas. It's just been one day, my son's not a pussy,"

Roxas turned to him wide-eyed. "I-I wasn't-"  
"You can take it, boy, I know you can. Everyone has a hard time at first. I remember my first day of high school. It was perfect, I praised all over, but still-- _I know _you can handle this." He patted his shoulder. "And I'm sorry to say this but… we're not taking you out."

Roxas's huge blue-eyes continued to widen to a miserable, disappointed look.

"You'll find yourself some friends, join in some clubs, maybe even get a cute girlfriend or b--"

"Phil, can we leave now, please? I don't wanna be late, I already made a bad first-impression on my teacher."

* * *

The second the blond walked in his class he noticed his teacher sitting at his desk and was greeted by him. 

" 'morning, Roxas." He announced, glancing up from his desk and looking busy with papers and books in front of him. Roxas was tempted to ask for an autograph, he _bet _it would be worth some on eBay after he confirmed he was indeed a praised figure.

"Good morning, Mr.--" _Male model?_ He looked at the nameplate on his desk. "Leonheart."

With excessive carefulness, Roxas proceed to make his way to his desk. The same scenario, loud and explicit, from yesterday surrounded the classroom. He sat on the same seat close to the white-haired kid who had warned him the previous day. Said kid suddenly leaned in inches from Roxas's face,

"I heard rumors that Mr. Leon's a grumpy o-new-teacher. He'll say good morning to you one day and then never ever greet you again."

Roxas leaned back fearfully, ignoring the pain on his ribs from the side of the desk. "Oh um… uh… okay." He said, wondering how that piece of awkward information could be useful. He slowly turned to face the front again while trying to accommodate himself to a proper sitting position as the personal-bubble-invading kid sat back down.

Suddenly, the boy sitting behind the white-haired weirdo reached over and touched Roxas's shiny blond locks. "Oh my god," He awed. "Your hair is so _pretty_! I love your style!"

Roxas felt so violated. "Um, th-thanks." He shuffled away from the hovering hand above his head. The weirdo, less weird than the hair-admiring-kid, smiled at Roxas playfully.

"Oh this is Sora-- he's known for one and only one thing at this school: Happiest Boy on Earth." He grinned. His brunet friend flashed him a radiating smile, nearly blinding Roxas. Not as blinding as his hair-do, of course, he'd hate to be sitting behind him.

"I'm Riku," The weirdo blurted, pointing to himself proudly. The blond gave them a cheesy smile while nodding approvingly as he opened up his book.

"Roxas."

Well, these two seemed rather friendly. If friendly meant 'bothersome freaks' nowadays then yes, they were the friendliest.

Riku lowered his voice to a satisfying whisper after he noticed Mr. Leonheart had begun speaking to the class with his back turned and writing numerical nonsense that Roxas couldn't focus on.

"_Wow!" _The whisper came rather loudly anyway, "_Roxas_, you and Sora look alike all kinds!" He pointed out while looking back and forth at the two.

"Yeah, I was just noticing!" Sora piped up excitedly, also with an irritatingly loud whisper. Roxas laughed nervously.

"We could almost pass as twins!" The kid giggled.

"Almost," The blond forced a smile.

"Hey, you wanna hang out with us?"

This time, Roxas smile was an even cheaper look. Almost like the look one would give after witnessing a bird crash on a window and crap itself from the impact and then slowly slide down while letting its own excrement smear on its body.

* * *

By lunchtime, the three had already bonded enough for Roxas to despise the topic of global warming and hair care for the rest of his life… And never want to heart it mentioned around his person as long as his ears were still attached to his head. 

He forced himself to enjoy a turkey sandwich from the cafeteria, except this time Riku and Sora invited him to eat lunch with them outside. He did not blame the poor turkey for tasting so foul, only the thought of the cooks letting the meat sit out for weeks until it became rotten. He mentally sighed. He really needed to stop these rich-boy opinions already, he felt them getting annoying in his head as he knew he wouldn't be going anywhere far from school other than his house anyway. That feeling of "can't fight 'em—join 'em" was beginning to sink in.

"So Rox, you've been home schooled since you were _born_?" Riku asked, wide eyed.

"Yeah," The blond shrugged, "it's not that bad," _No, it is not. It is-- _was _a beautiful and homey heaven. Free of personal-space-intruding-people and rich, fabulous meals that were genuinely edible._ Also, and Roxas's personal favorite of the many benefits, _a very clean, very private bathroom._

"So how come you were never started on regular school?" Riku continued, oblivious to Roxas's thoughts. The blond shrugged again.

"I don't know, my parents --my mom-- wanted me to… get _out_. Socialize and stuff."

"We'll socialize!" Sora piped up, stopping the enjoyment of his nachos for a second and then wiping his cheese-covered jaw. Roxas didn't want to know what the hell he could have meant by that.

A large crowd of people suddenly rushed passed before the trio. Riku scoffed repeatedly. "Ugh, well look it is; making their yearly Popular Admiration Day lunch meeting-"

"The Plastics," Riku and Sora growled in unison.

Roxas stared wondrously at the group of people who seemed to be surrounding a certain attraction in a circle. "What are 'Plastics'?" The blond air quoted while munching on his sandwich. Strangely, he was begging to grasp a decent taste from it now. Perhaps it was the school-ish ambiance or something that was making his taste buds accept defeat.

"Only the three biggest bitches in the school," Riku snarled, glaring at their direction.

Roxas looked around, trying to get a glimpse of the supposed bitches, but the admiring mob seemed to be blocking his view as they were all around them trying to sit and have lunch with them. Sora shook his head disapprovingly at their direction, "You see the redhead? That's Kairi Lockheart, second in command. She's the queen of all gossip. She knows everything that goes on that doesn't have to do with academics," The brunet explained, pointing, with a dripping nacho, at the group who was begining to disperse. "Classy good girl gone bad," he said lowly with a saddened, disappointed look.

Riku nodded to Sora's statement. "Yes. And the girl swinging the jump rope and chewing on it is Selphie Tilmitt. Everybody loves to touch her harder-than-rocks hair. She is the most brainless organism on earth. Some people just think she should've been born a blonde," Riku nodded.

Roxas raised a eyebrow at him.

"No offence."

The blond only went back to eating to slurping his milk through the overly-thin straw, nearly chocking from lack of oxygen. He popped his lips off of it and breathed loudly, "What's with the pink-haired chick?"

"It's not a chick," Sora giggled, Roxas feared a nacho would snort out of his nose.

Riku's eyes narrowed dangerously. "That would be _Marluxia_." He grumbled with what looked like viciously gritting teeth to Roxas. "_**Marluxia Blume**_." He uttered the name as if it had been forbidden to be voiced from his mouth for thousands of years and that had been his first time. _Which wouldn't be too hard to believe with just looking at that hair._

Riku grunted, "No one knows how he does it or even why but _everyone _loves him. Boys just as much as girls, I mean, most girls _envy _him. He is the biggest cum-sucking skank to have ever walked the earth. He is crazy about the fact that every year he can just be prom king _and _queen all by himself. Now, don't get fooled by the all sparkles and floral patterns and all that _pink--_ Marluxia is the word **evil **brought to meat and bones. He's the type of _bitch_ who would accidentally kill his best friend, throw the body in the river, bribe any witnesses with a makeover and then live life as normal as possible in order to hide the truth from the rest of the mourning world." He panted deeply after having said all that under one breath.

Roxas stared at him tensely and swallowed the bulge of terror in his throat. "Wow," He said, sounding non-too interested. It just happened to be the only word that could escape his mouth after Riku's diss.

"Exactly." the white-haired boy snarled. Sora patted his shoulder. Roxas could only look at them with his most 'weirded-the-fuck-out' look to date.

* * *

The words 'after school' meant heaven to Roxas. 'Hanging out' with his new best friends, did not. 

"HEY!" Sora jumped up at Roxas from behind while he was at his locker. The brunet loved to yell at people two feet away from them as if he were across the school.

"Oh! It's _you_!" Roxas exclaimed, after slowly turning around and attempting to sound excited. And then there it was again, Sora's godly smile. "Yeah! So anyway, do you wanna come over to my house and play video games? Riku and I hang out after school almost everyday." He nodded happily.

Roxas gulped. "Uh-um I can't, actually-- I have to go home and do… um… um-"

"Homework?"

"_Yeah_, that." He banged his locker closed and smiled at the happy boy before him. Some deep, deep part of him almost felt sorry for being the way he'd been since he met the two. But that part of him was buried way, way deep and he didn't need to pay attention to it. "See ya, Sora."

For a second, the brunet had a sad look on his tiny features, but that was one unusually short second. He somehow lit up again after hearing Roxas's 'see ya'.

"Okay!" He yelled at Roxas's back as he walked away, "_See ya _tomorrow, Roxas! I'll call you!"

_Dear god! _Roxas paced, pretending he wasn't the one Sora was yelling at and trying to blend in with other passing students. _When did I give him my number?!_

The boy hadn't yet stepped out of school grounds when his cell phone began to vibrate against his back through his backpack. He continued to walk as he took the time to frantically search through it, now a bit heavier than before. He suddenly, and probably much expectedly, bumped into someone with strangely hard force. _Aw crap!_

He fell back, startled from the collision and the vibrating backpack in hands and stopped looking through it when he noticed who he had knocked into. "Uh…" a squeaky sound left his mouth. He remained sprawled on the floor, gawking up at the figure before him. He gulped.

"Um, the word you're looking for is 'sorry'." Selphie whispered while bending down, she smiled at him, nodding stupidly.

Kairi gasped. "Oh no, no, no, no, no-- it's ok, it's alright," Kairi said to Marluxia, who was on the ground before her, mouth wide open and staring at the startled blond.

"You're ok, you're alright," The redhead dusted Marluxia as she helped him up and fixed his hair.

"Uh," Roxas tried not to sound too careless as he stood up and dusted his own rear. "Sorry about that, wasn't looking."

The pink-haired boy smiled kindly, which somehow seemed to actually be more terrifying than kind. "Let me help you with that," the boy bent down and helped Roxas gather his scattered belongings.

"Oh… thanks," He said, mostly making that sound like a question. Marluxia only continued to smile at him.

Kairi and Selphie exchanged horrified and confused looks back and forth.

* * *

Ahh ok. I **love **Marluxia. I love everyone, actually! The entire idea of the fic was born with a tiny, crack-filled, silly little thought of how fitting Marluxia would be as this character… being comically OOC, of course. But it's going to be a challenge trying to keep him IC… or everyone else. Heh. It's my first KH fic and it's all good fun! And Marluxia _**Blume**_? Yes, I WTF'ed at that myself. I don't know, it means flower, according to a translator, and my excuse is that I was high. Hey, it was almost going to be _"Schwul"_... 

I also wasn't going to introduce Axel yet, not until like, three more chapters? But I thought, oh what the hell, nobody likes to wait that long for the main attractions.

Anyway, I'd like to believe that there are a few souls reading this thing so, since I normally don't ask for these, **please review!** Flame, even, I like it all.


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